I Just Love You

I started writing a post about how I wasn't sure how we'd fit the baby and all of the baby stuff in our tiny apartment. Right now, we're living in an one bedroom apartment. It's not the biggest apartment we've lived in, but it's definitely not the smallest. Thankfully, the list of true baby necessities is short. There's no way that we'd fit bigger things in our apartment. Two people plus a dog doesn't make for much room to spare.

So, I started writing this post about how I've been looking at baby things just to get an idea of what we'd need or want and how much it will all cost. I kind of got stuck in my writing and decided to move on to other things until I figured out what else I wanted to write. During this time, I turned on some music and one of the songs that came on was Five For Fighting's "I Just Love You." If you haven't heard this song, you really should listen to it. I first heard it when I was in Maine a couple years ago and it touched my heart then, but it touches my heart even more now.

The song is about a dad who is away from home and receives a phone call from his little 4 year old girl saying that she just loves him. It's a sweet song and although it's specific in its message, I started thinking about the little baby that I have growing inside of me, and what a miracle he or she is.

Some of may not know that I have waited three years to get pregnant. The reason that I have waited so long is not because of any planning on my part, in fact, quite the opposite. I just wasn't able to get pregnant for whatever reason. At first, it was sad for me, but I realized that sometimes it took time for it to happen. Eventually, however, it became hard on me and it was hard not to indulge in self-pity. I struggled some weeks to go to church and be around the other sisters who, for the most part, all had kids. More particularly, I struggled in trying to find other things to fill my life with.

I've always wanted to be a wife and a mom. Even when I was little, I never really had any aspirations to have a career, none that stuck anyways. Even when I made it to college, I had a hard time picking a major and sticking to it. After I picked a major, I wasn't sure what I was going to do with it. Nothing sounded all that appealing for that long. When it became clear that having kids wasn't something that was going to happen right away, I had no idea what I was going to do to fill my time. I knew stressing about having a baby wasn't the answer and that I needed to focus on something else, but I had no other plan. No job option seemed to feel right. Even the jobs that I did try to get just fell through. Instead, I picked up hobbies and learned new skills. It was the first time in my life that I had continual quiet surrounding me. It nearly drove me crazy and Ashton didn't really appreciate the fact that, because I had spent almost the entire day by myself, when he finally got home from school and work, I just wanted to spend time with someone else.

Eventually, life got easier and I learned to appreciate where I was in my life and, although I still wanted to have kids, I was happy. It was a long hard road to get there, but I learned so much. I grew closer to my wonderful hubby and Heavenly Father. So, it was a huge surprise when I found out that I was pregnant. I stared at the pregnancy test for a long time. Even now that I look pregnant and am almost 18 weeks, some days it still doesn't feel real that I'm going to have a baby. It's something that I'm grateful for and I thank my Heavenly Father every day for this blessing.

So, although every baby is a blessing and a miracle, this is my little miracle baby.

Belly Shots

The moment that you've all been waiting for is finally here. I'm posting pictures of my pregnant belly. I already posted them on facebook, but figured that I'd post them here as well.

This is my belly at 13 weeks. You can't really see it because of the shirt that I'm wearing, but trust me it's there.

16 weeks

The Thrill of the Hunt

Things haven't been too exciting here. I'm showing more and more, which is kind of exciting until I looked down yesterday and realized that my feet are starting to disappear from view. I'm comforted by the fact that, as Ashton puts it, I have "little Zarah feet." So, I guess it's not too hard to lose them. I'm mostly excited that, although I still have some moments of queasiness, my nausea is gone! I'm also mostly over all the food aversions that I had developed.

In funnier news, my dog is quite the hunter I discovered. I knew that she'd chase rabbits, cats, squirrels, and the occasional bird if it hopped on the ground long enough, but I had no idea that she'd go after bugs. That's right, bugs. I was sitting on the couch yesterday and I saw some bug on the carpet. Not knowing what it was, I started to call to Ashton to come get it when I saw Dusty staring at it. So, I told Dusty, "Go get the buggy!" To my surprise, and entertainment, she tried to get it.

It turns out the bug was a fly so it was pretty impossible for her to get, but that didn't stop her from trying and me from encouraging her. It made for a fun filled 10 minutes or so of me pointing where the fly had landed, it kept landing on the carpet, and then telling Dusty to go get it. She attempted to pounce on it, she's not as spry as she used to be, and if it flew near her face, she'd snap at it. The best part was that after the fly flew away, Dusty would start sniffing around in search for her missing quarry. She never did actually get the fly, but the fact that she tried amuses me. Now I know who to call on to kill bugs for me while Ashton's at work.

Video

I came across this video on Facebook and I just had to share. So, for all those who want a laugh, particularly if you are a wife, enjoy! (Oh, and thanks for all the congratulations, well-wishes, and support! We appreciate it!)

Happenings Around These Parts

Big things are happening in our house. We're having a baby! The due date is February 19, but I tend to just say that the due date is in February so as not to get attached to a certain date that the baby is coming on. As everyone knows, babies come when babies come. For those who are curious, we both would be happy with either a boy or a girl (since I'm 12 weeks along, it'll be a little while before we find out the gender), but Ashton thinks (not to be confused with "hopes") it's a girl, and I think it's a boy. No real rhyme or reason to our thinking.

We're very excited about having a baby, although, I was less thrilled about the morning sickness part. The sickness has been subsiding though and I got to enjoy sick free days for the most part this week. Hallelujah! I'm still expecting to have a few days where I feel horrible, the whole "it gets worse before it's better" thing.

So yesterday, I had my first appointment with the midwife. Ashton came along with me, which was nice. Most of the appointment was spent filling out paperwork and talking, but then we got to do the more fun things. The most exciting part was that we heard the baby's heartbeat! It definitely brought a smile to our faces. It took a minute to find the little guy and when the midwife found him/her, baby decided to disappear for a few seconds. Not to worry, we found baby again and got to listen to the heartbeat. There's nothing like hearing that your baby's heartbeat is strong and fast. Of course, I did enjoy hearing the midwife comment on how good my ab muscles were.

Book Recommendation

So a few posts ago, I mentioned that I was working on reading a couple of books. Well, I finally finished one of them, I had gotten a bit distracted by the World Cup. Yesterday, I finished Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie.

It was one of those books that I had thought to read for a long time, but had just never gotten around to it. I'm actually really glad that I waited, because when I bought it and received it, I was really excited and ready to read it. It was no longer a book that people had been merely recommending, it was a book that I wanted to read. I needed it.

People always say that a certain book changed their life, and they say it for a variety of reasons. Perhaps that book opened their eyes to reading, a certain style of writing or genre, to politics, or to how they saw the world. This book changed how I, not only see the world, but how I see myself. There are finally reasons for the way I do certain things and even reasons for why I think the way I do. Those reasons aren't necessarily pretty; I admit I got a little depressed when I read the characteristics of a codependent and realized how many applied to me. What is pretty about those reasons that I do certain things, and the book itself, is that there are practical solutions. I have a lot to work on, but who doesn't?

I would highly recommend this book to everyone. Even if you don't think you have a problem with codependency, you should still read it. I think we all have at least a touch of codependency in us.

Concert

Last night, Ashton and I had the opportunity to go to a James Taylor and Carole King concert with his company. We ate dinner with his company. I got to meet a lot of the people that he works with, obviously, and talks about. It's nice to put names to faces. After dinner, which was in the Pepsi Center, the same place as the concert, we went into the concert.

I can't say that I knew who James Taylor or Carole King were before this concert. Ashton didn't either, so that made me feel better. We had gotten a CD of some of their songs with the invite to attend the concert from his company, but we didn't listen to it. I figured that if I didn't like the music, I didn't want to know until I got there. So, I was surprised when I started hearing their songs how many I recognized and could sing along to. Ashton knew a few as well. That made the experience all the better.

The performance was also amazing. For being as old as they are, they were doing a whole lot of jumping, kicking, and dancing. It was entertaining to watch to say the least. It was also fun to watch other people really get into the songs.

So although we stayed up way late and today we're suffering from that, we had a good time!